Encouraging Polygyny
March 23, 2007 at 8:20 pm | In Gender Issues, Islam, Men, Rants, Women | 19 CommentsI can’t quite seem to understand this almost incessant obsession (or fascination) that some Muslim (men and women) seem to have with polygyny. They see it as a solution to most relationship problems. The reasons why polygyny is often propogated revolves around sharing of housework, childcare responsibilities and having less tasks to do for the husband due to him not being around often.
But I dont find those reasons alone very appealing. I find the whole concept of polygyny quite unappealing and personally would not want to be or would not like to be part of such an arrangement.
So why do some sisters insist on educating you like you’re some kind of dimwit for not wanting to be in a polygynous marriage? It really IRKS me.
The “irking” came as a result of this
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Haha! Am I happy to find another soul who is irked with the idea! Welcome, welcome!
Comment by Suroor — March 24, 2007 #
[...] also IRKS Sumera (in caps), who asks why do some sisters insist on educating you like you’re some kind of dimwit for not wanting to be … Pray do [...]
Pingback by I'm tired, so read my pick « Achelois — March 24, 2007 #
[...] brings forth his thoughts. Sumera expresses her anguish over polygamy. Powered by Gregarious [...]
Pingback by Gender Issues at Congregation of Muslim Bloggers — March 24, 2007 #
You should have read the fatwa question on Islamonline web the other day. The dear brother was asking if the two wifies and himself can sleep together sharing a bad. Now, if that isn’t a Muslim fantasy of a threesome, I don’t know what is!
Comment by organicmuslimah — March 24, 2007 #
I dont see the problem with it to be honest. Allah allowed it, maybe its the way men go about it these days or dont provide properly etc that puts alot of sisters off, or the fact that theres no alot of good stories around about it. But at the end of the day the wife that has patience with her husband taking another wife can choose from which door she enters Junnah isnt that reason enough?
Comment by Peaceful — March 24, 2007 #
Why should the wife have patience if he takes another wife? Why should she put up with it at all in the first place?
Comment by Sumera — March 24, 2007 #
@Organic
NO FRIKKIN’ WAY!
That is awful. Just awful!
Comment by iMuslim — March 25, 2007 #
How about if some one has no issue with it? Are you going to hate on them for that choice of theirs though?
Also, this might seem blunt but, do you hate polygyny or, just don’t prefer it for yourself?
Comment by nuqtah — March 25, 2007 #
peaceful and muslim woman who prays her mandatory prayers, fasts the month of ramadhan and pays zakat and dies while her husband is pleased with her can enter through any door she wishes. IT’s not specific to women in polygynous marriages and as far as I know, allahu alim, there isn’t even extra reward for being patient when your husband takes another. So, wives in monagamous and polygamous marriages get the same reward if their husbands are pleased with them.
That is reason enough for me to not want him to take anymore wives.
Comment by ummabdurrahman — March 25, 2007 #
I wish every single woman could watch this, so I particularly encourage all the sisters as well as my brothers in Islam: -
Watch online: -
http://www.lightuponlight.com/islam/modules.php?name=Stream2&file=index&lid=230
Or Download: -
http://www2.nooralanoor.com/video/source/Amina%20Assilmi%20-%20Islam%20-%20Liberator%20of%20Women.rm
The wise Sister Assilmi explains…
“Somewhere along the line people got lost and thought polygamy is an advantage to men – when in fact it’s the women who benefit most.
You see it’s always been the Christian concept that women are inferior to men (Bible teaches this), but Allah(swt) teaches us otherwise in the Noble Quran.”
… watch the video, or email me
I’m male, and I would Not want to take a second wife. Most men would probably find it appealing, but I certainly don’t.
Unfortunately, many people nowadays only think of the “rosy” side of it (in the words of Bilal Philips), when in fact it means a massive amount of responsibility on the man.
Also, people think that reading one or two Ayats from Allah(swt)’s Noble Book gives you enough detail (Shaytan confuses me too, even after reading the Tafsir
, when in fact there is far FAR more to it than that.
In short though, can I ask the sisters, would you prefer your husband cheat on you behind your back, or to take a second wife (with your permission)?
i.e. reflect on the current society where men and women freely mix, and of course, much cheating occurs, either in the office or else where – astaghfirullah!!
I read a very saddening quote from an advert once – I think it was meant to be funny…
“Which woman can say for sure where her husband is?”
“A widow.”
Please don’t allow Satan to confuse you or make you hate some of the Noble Ayats and commandments from Allah(swt).
–
Waheed Islam
wislam at wislam.co.uk
Comment by wislam — March 27, 2007 #
Well it isnt the wifes choice if the husband takes on another wife or not its his, and if he cannot do justice then he is the one to account. And it is to do with the wife who has patience, I will fin d the hadith. Also I dont see what the problem here is, I thought this was just getting to people to think but it seems alot on this subject hate polygamy which isnt allowed as Allah has allowed it, and has not specified it to any particular time. Yes I understand why should the woman have patience? Maybe because theres a good reason like she cant have kids for example or maybe he just wants to, and if she wants to continue to make him happy then she will have patience with it. What you have to remember is the wife more than likely loves her husband so that will be the reason why she will be patient. I guess in this day and age its a touchy subject but whether we agree or not we must remember that Allah allowed it and its in both Quran and Sunnah.
Comment by Peaceful — March 27, 2007 #
Its not about hating the concept of polygyny. Its to do with how it is being abused by men who love to claim it to be one of their “rights”.
If a man willingly forego’s his right to polygyny (especially if on request of the wife) some women can’t seem to fathom that either. They don’t see it as a sacrifice, but more along the lines of “stripping his manliness” which is sheer exaggeration. Since when has manhood or masculinity been measured by the number of wives one has?
Comment by Sumera — March 28, 2007 #
Interesting comments here on this
Comment by Sumera — March 29, 2007 #
Why is the choice between a man cheating and taking a second wife? If a man is likely to cheat, having a second wife just means he’s cheating on more people.
Comment by Working — March 29, 2007 #
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Trackback by Health Store — April 22, 2007 #
I have alreday written on this subject. I would prefer he have an affair than another wife. I wrote about it here:
http://peacefulmuslimah.blogspot.com/2006/12/i-am-going-to-admit-something-and-its.html
NOTE: I have used the name Peaceful Muslimah for over 4 years and am not the same person posting here as “peaceful”
Comment by peacefulmuslimah — May 1, 2007 #
I read that post of yours PM, and to be honest – I think i’d strangle him if he did either!
Comment by Sumera — May 2, 2007 #
I personally am intrigued by polygyny. Being a muslim woman and an industrious one, at one point, i pictured myself being a successful business woman and i would have to go abroad to Europe or America, city to city. I am married ofcourse in my imagination, and so i wonder, who will take care of my husband and my children while I am not there. Surely, I want my husband to be happy and my children protected and cared for. Get a co-wife! She’d be like a sister to me. I’d tell my husband to marry one who loves to be a home maker while I on the other hand, the adventorous. I think it would make my life real smooth, afterall, we all will live happily and in harmony.
Reality: I still feel this optimistic though i know the probability is .1
However, I agree with Br.Wislam, When Allah Taala has made provision for more than one wife, He knows why, He is the best of knowers. Who are we (the slaves) to question?
Should my husband fall in love with another woman, I may be the best woman on earth, but I don’t possess the charms of all the women, so yes, my husband could fall in love with someone different than me, and as a wife who cares about him, I rather see him marry her than commit adultery.
For most men today, they can’t understand one woman, leave aside two or three or four!! (Horror!) lol
Coming back,the provision is there. Therefore, we should respect it and not question it. It is afterall, By Allah. His is the argument and we have no argument.(His is all to say and we have no say)
Comment by Alefyah — May 6, 2007 #
I just love Ummabdurrahmans comment…..and the “no frikkin way” comment as well….SIGH!
Comment by safaseeknsolace — May 22, 2007 #