Divorce Clearance
February 10, 2008 at 10:24 am | In Gender Issues, Islam, Learning, Men, Muslims, Patriarchy, Society, Women | 37 CommentsThe issue of divorce has been on my mind again following the C4 Shariah doc and this Islamic law ruckus that’s erupted recently. And I have to admit this topic leaves me feeling uneasy. I have many issues with the Islamic system of khula and my previous quests of trying to find explanations for it have fallen short, raising more questions rather than providing answers.
I have never understood why women do not have the right to divorce. Obtaining khula isn’t the right to divorce per se because it requires 3rd party intervention whereas the man’s right to divorce usually requires no 3rd party and is binding upon utterance. Sure women can include it in their marriage contract but why is it not a basic full right, in that they have it without necessarily stating/requesting it (which is the current way of doing it)?
So far I’ve not come across any decent explanations for this apparent discrepancy. Why some women have to resort to walking around like beggars pleading for someone to grant them divorce by having to “prove” their case has grounds and a basis I have no idea.
Reasons like you can’t stand your partner anymore (he irritates you, you find him/his habits repelling) or you just want out because the marriage isn’t fulfilling for the most part due to the way this khula system works, from my understanding of it, are not seen as “proper” reasons despite this in theory being a valid a reason as another other such as being beaten, being mistreated or being left to fend on your own for long periods of time
She does not need to provide reasons other than that she is not happy with her marriage and that she cannot or is unwilling to continue to be married to her husband. There is a reference to such a situation in the Qur’an in Verse 229 of Surah 2. A precedent took place at the time of the Prophet when Thabit ibn Qais’s wife came to the Prophet complaining of her marital situation. She stated clearly that she had nothing to talk against her husband, neither in his manners nor in his religious attitude. She simply was not happy, married to him. Thabit ibn Qais had given her a garden as a dower, and the Prophet asked her whether she was willing to return it to him. She said she would and the Prophet told the man to accept the garden and divorce her.
But we are aware that if its not deemed a “proper reason” in terms of a list of things that seem acceptable to some peoples senses, then oh well, you’ll just have to stay stuck in a marriage you don’t want to be in unless your husband pays pity on you and agrees to divorcing you or just divorces you himself.
Whereas he can simply divorce you as and when he see’s fit, without accountability to anyone (but God- lets face it, God is a 2nd thought in all this business when men willy nilly divorce their wives), without 3rd party intervention, without having to prove he has a case/basis for divorcing. And we all realise the procedure of uttering divorce orally is also problematic when some men do it in anger and then retract it often saying “I didn’t mean it” – perhaps doing it in writing, as the majority are not illiterate nowadays, would make these “mistakes” a less frequent occurrence.
These are the reasons given for the current system
Wisdoms behind the right of divorce being given to men
There are many reasons and much wisdom in giving this right to the husbands, just to mention a few:
1) As mentioned previously, divorce is the most detested of the lawful things in Shariah. Therefore, in order to prevent unnecessary divorces, there was a great wisdom in giving the right of divorce to men.
The reason for this is that, in the case of a divorce, although both the husband and wife suffer as a result (psychologically for instance), a man encounters many financial disadvantages and has the additional burden of a heavy responsibility. He loses the dowry (mahr) that was paid to the woman, he will have to pay Mahr for the second time if he marries again, the wife is entitled to financial support and maintenance (nafaqa) whilst in the waiting period (idda), she is entitled to child maintenance if young children are in her custody, etc…
The husband has so much to lose financially if he divorces his wife and this acts as a natural deterrent from abusing his right of divorce. If women had such a right, however, there would be no such check on them because they do not have any financial responsibilities towards their husbands.
2) There is no doubt in the fact that the Almighty Creator created men and women differently in many ways, physically, psychologically, mentally and emotionally. Both men and women have been given certain qualities, features and characteristics and according to these characteristics, Allah Most High divided their responsibilities.
Men and women have been given certain duties and responsibilities that suited them and that it conformed to the way they were created. The responsibility of providing the daily bread was placed on the shoulder of the husband, as it requires physical strength and men were naturally created with more physical power than women. Similarly, the responsibility of looking after the household affairs (to a certain degree) was given to the woman, as that was more suited to her.
This is not a question of injustice or sexual discrimination. Let me give you an example: I had two friends that were ready to help and assist me due to seeing me overloaded with work. Now, I had two things that needed to be done, one was to thoroughly clean my office with the moving of heavy furniture, and the other job was to calculate my accounts. One of my friends was physically stronger and had a well-built body, whilst the other was not so quite fortunate in this regard, but had a great brain. It will only be from common sense that I hand the job of calculation to the one who was more able mentally and the lifting of heavy furniture to the one who had more strength, might and power. If the contrary was done, it would be condemned by everybody.
Similar is the case with Allah Almighty in that He distributed the responsibilities and rights between men and women in a way that was suited to them. Women naturally have been created with this great quality of compassion, warmth and sensitivity. They are easily pleased and made angry. This is something that they have naturally been created with. If the husband becomes upset, it may take months in order to overcome his stubbornness and please him, whilst the wife can be pleased very easily no matter how displeased she was. This is one of the great qualities women possess and we as men should definitely learn from it.
Due to women being more sensitive then men, it was natural (keeping in mind the dislike of divorce in Islam) that the right to divorce was not given to them. If it was, then there would be many divorces and break up of marriages. They would issue divorces in the heat of the moment and regret it later. Ask married couples how many times the wife divorces her husband during the day, but from the heart she truly and genuinely loves him and could not consider a moment of her life without him. A man due to his doggedness and generally having more ability to reflect and ponder was duly given this right of divorce.
These are just two of the wisdoms behind the right of divorce been given to the man.
Doesn’t really answer the question apart from pointing to the disadvantage of the man financially in divorcing his wife, and this acting as a deterrent for him. And we have discussed the other aspects of women being “unstable creatures” and things of that nature in previous posts (which you can find pingbacked from this entry) so I won’t go back into those.
Here in a Q& A session, they acknowledge the husband has the upper hand of divorce, but gloss that over with magic fairy dust by talking of her “right” to “demand” divorce and the husband has to “comply” with the request - otherwise she can have it “reinforced” by the courts and “it will be granted” whether the husband agrees or not. Nice in theory, doesn’t happen in practise as pointed out here
Back to reality. Despite women having the right under ‘true’ Qur’anic interpretation to dissolve marriage, men seem to have absolute power on the dissolution, mainly backed up by referring to Verse 2:228 and using 4:34 in the same breath (see �2.1), which can be interpreted in different ways. Most women are hardly allowed to exercise their right to divorce because of the tremendous social and mental pressures to which they are subjected (Hassan; Jawad, 1998:82). Further, to discourage women to initiate or agree with the above-mentioned idea of a no-fault divorce, they are normally denied custody of their children (Hassan). Moreover, one needs to take into account that the majority of Muslim women have had minimal, or no, education and no job, together with minimal social security (compared to European states) resulting in relatively more economic hardship.
What IS the basis of not giving women the full right to divorce? What is the “wisdom” behind it?
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The wisdom only makes sense if you consider that the divorce laws were reflective of 7th century arabia’s patriarchal society, and have zero place in today’s times. Those verses and hadith that talk about the misogynistic divorce laws are, in my opinion, totally irrelevant now and should no longer be considered valid.
Comment by B — February 10, 2008 #
Seemingly B the process of seeking dissolution of an unsatisfactory (or other reasons) marriage theoretically looks quite simple and seamless- state intention for divorce to partner, have it agreed to or approved by courts without much prodding into reasons and there you go, Bobs your uncle.
But in practise we know this isn’t always necessarily the case. And for reasons of maintaining harmony and peace in society the men should also give reasons on a formal level for divorce.
Comment by Sumera — February 10, 2008 #
You are right about Khlu’. The shyookh or courts in ME countries do not grant it unless proof is provided that she is suffering. Things like “I can’t stand him” and “I hate his guts” are not considered a valid reason for divorce.
I’ve looked at the Ayat in Surat An-Nisaa and Baqara pertaining to divorce, a while back, for one of my readers on my blog. The way it was worded, it seemed that men had the final say on the divorce issue, only because they are the providers/starters of this family.
Why women can’t divorce themselves? Maybe there can’t be two captains of a ship? I know, for myself, sometimes I get emotional and angry about issues. When I am angry, I am ready to destroy anything-including a relationship–at any cost due to my anger. However, I believe this is a normal human trait, not necessarily a woman thing! From the attitudes of the traditions/ahadeeth, it’s very clear how the Sahabah and society viewed women: emotional creatures that must be guided/herded at all times.
Fortunately, times have changed. Women are now executives and CEOs. They are major decision makers. As a matter of fact, America possibly will have a woman president, for the first time, in history.
Times have changed, we aren’t all emotional whiny little women with nothing better to do than break our marriages for no good reason. I am sure many of the progressive scholars have noted this, but it’s still not mainstream. Our ummah isn’t ready for it yet, don’t you think?
Comment by Organic Muslimah — February 10, 2008 #
I agree Organic, men too can be emotional and prone to anger. Its a human trait. They will never be ready for it because those with vested interests in keeping women meek and dependent will not allow it.
I really hope Hilary wont become president. She’s only got to where she is because of Bill.
Comment by Sumera — February 10, 2008 #
Sumera, perhaps I am wrong and will create a chaos here but I have been thinking about it. Tell me what you think: Women already had the right to divorce in pre-Islamic Arabia. All they had to do was to turn the opening of their tent to face another side and it was a signal that darling hubby was not welcome anymore. Perhaps the Quran didn’t comment on the pre-existing situation and revised or gave new rights to men to divorce a woman? In that way the ayah makes sense that a woman who is unhappy with her husband should first involve elders of the family to resolve the dispute so that they were not rash unlike before.
I also agree with OM’s comment. Very enlightening and comprehensive.
Comment by Achelois — February 10, 2008 #
Islam did not abandon the woman in this issue or any issue, she has the right to seperation and ultimately divorce. However, there seems to be some confusion due to how Islamic laws were developed in the last few centuries. The difference is in the wording, I won’t go into the whole technical explaination… though if necessary I might explain on my blog the details of how the arabic texts related to divorce have the ability to extend. It would be suffice here to say that a woman doesn’t have the right to divorce her husband primarily because divorce is only pronounced on a woman, but there is nothing to say that she can’t divorce herself from marriage. So as long as she has acquired the rights, she can’t say ‘I divorce you’ to the husband but she can say, ‘I divorce myself from this’. This is proven from the marriages of the Prophet (saw) and the secondary sources of shariah such as Ijma as-Sahaba (consensus of the companions).
Comment by Tia — February 10, 2008 #
My question though Tia is why is it not her basic right? Why does she have to secure or acquire it? Otherwise by default all she can do is “ask” for divorce which isn’t the same thing.
Which makes me wonder if you didn’t know you could acquire such a right (as many don’t) that may leave you in a bad place come divorce time (if it even ever comes to that)
It all just seems to be semantics – I divorce myself from this (marriage), I divorce myself from you, I divorce you; in the end its still a divorce.
Comment by Sumera — February 10, 2008 #
Achelois I see the point of 3rd party intervention, infact I personally think that should be the recourse regardless of who wants a divorce – the husband or the wife.
But its this inconsistency that really bothers me – he doesnt require intervention of any sort and can just say so and its done (which somehow is meant to demonstrate what – that he’s more capable because he’s the breadwinner?) whereas she needs to ask and return the mahr (the original full value or less but not more) and then he has to agree to make life easier. Otherwise she has to “prove” she has a case.
Its all an incredible mess and not fair in the slightest.
Comment by Sumera — February 10, 2008 #
Sumera it is her basic right just like it is her basic right to get married, but she can’t marry herself off, she needs consent from a Wali al-’Amr. If the Wali al-’Amr refuses to marry her off to a particular person without any justifiable reason… she has certain measures in place which she can take. Similarly with divorce she not only has these measures in place, she is granted to divorce herself as long as the authority to do is transfered to her. This doesn’t have to be through the nikah contract only, this can be done at any time.
Islamic social system has defined the roles of men and women, it has given some responsibilities to Men and some to Women because it does not view Men and Women to be the same. If we were to adopt the argument that women are now cleverer than before, therefore they should have the right to divorce their husband, next, they should also have the right to marry themselves off, on top of that women can be maintainers and basically do all that a man can, wouldn’t that mean we are re-defining gender roles moving away from that which Islam has prescribed?
The question of if it is unfair is not straightforward because every individual’s idea of fairness is relatively different as human beings perceive realities through their limited senses. Therefore, as Muslims we rely on God and His laws to judge between us with the belief that God is the Just even though we may perceive something to be unjust. One of the divine names of Allah (swt) is al-’adl which is usually translated as “the Just,” and often defined as “He who puts everything in its proper place.” As a Divine name, the Just is subordinate to al-’alim, the “All-Knowing,” and al-Qadir, the “All-Powerful.” God’s knowledge of all things includes a knowledge of the proper place of each thing in the hierarchy of creation; and as the All-Powerful and the Creator, He puts each in its proper situation. That Justice should also imply ‘retribution’ from some of the creatures results from the fact that man’s central position in creation allows him to upset, in a certain fashion, the equilibrium of the normative human state. Therefore in order to maintain the equilibrium it is imperative that the creatures follow the responsibilities assigned to them.
As Muslims we carry the trust of Allah, the trust which the heavens, earth and the mountains did not carry due to the burden. The burden is not easy to carry as the belief of being tested to perform our duties, responsibilities and trust, in the set prescribed fashion is the very basis of our belief in Islam.
Sorry to go on, but in summary the woman who just does not like her husband and wants to divorce, but she can’t needs to trust in Allah (tawakul), preservere (sabr), and do all that she can in her given ability.
Comment by Tia — February 10, 2008 #
Tia:
You said, “Islamic social system has defined the roles of men and women”
You know what? I really think most of the laws are cultural, not Islamic. I think Allah is fair and I don’t see anything wrong with a woman divorcing herself. I’ve seen women suffer, here in the Western world, just to get a divorce. On the other hand, a man can divorce his wife at any time and doesn’t have to return any gifts. He might have to maintain her for the 3 months of iddah, but that’s pretty much it.
You say that virgin women can’t marry themselves, but I believe that one of the school of thoughts (Hanafi?) allow a virgin woman to marry herself off without a Wali.
I believe that in the time of Prophet Muhammad, women had more freedom and rights.
Comment by Organic Muslimah — February 10, 2008 #
Dear Organic, I do agree many rules are simply product of certain cultural process which took plae in the last few centures, as I pointed out in my first reply. however, there are something which are clearly pointed out in the Qur’an, most of which are not open to interpretation due to absence of ‘ilah (legal reasoning) however the universality of the arabic language allows to extend some of the rules involved.
You are correct in saying that the hanafi Madhab allows the woman to marry herself off without a wali. But this needs to understood correctly because the hanafi madhab does not permit the woman to do this, rather it allows it to occur due to the difference in understanding contracts. So in other madhaib the permission of wali is considered the core of the contract and without wali the contract is Batil (unaccepatable), whereas in hanafi permission of wali is considered as the furu (secondary) without which the nikah is acceptable but remains Fassid (incomplete) until she receives approval of the wali.
“I believe that in the time of Prophet Muhammad, women had more freedom and rights.”
This entirely depends upon one’s definition of ‘freedom’ and ‘rights’.
Because I am not aware of any incidents of virgin women marrying themselves off or of them divorcing their husbands from the time of Prophet (saw).
I think what has changed is not the times but rather people’s understanding of freedom and rights.
Comment by Tia — February 10, 2008 #
All that Tia still doesn’t explain why women don’t have the right to divorce themselves. Going into the roles of men and women and their respective responsibilities is entirely irrelevant when it comes to this issue.
What given ability? In the case of a non-responsive husband and even lamer court system who want reasons from her whereas her husband can probably divorce her over something as silly as burning his shirt or serving him cold food but no-one need be informed of that since he isn’t required to, what is a woman to do when the entire system is not designed around her or sensitive to her and her needs? You would think in the case of divorce they would be more accomodating and but it seems to be the opposite. Why do they need her to give “proper” reasons for divorce before they can dissolve the marriage when the same isn’t expected of him? “Defined roles” does not explain this difference.
She has no other avenue. So if she can’t get a divorce she just has to continue in a r’ship she has no desire to be in – telling her to have sabr (and basically just “make do”) for not having the right to divorce is not helpful and it isn’t at all addressing the problem with the khula system. Its placing her at a serious disadvantage. At least a civil marriage can eventually be annulled if either party is non-responsive and uncommunicative during the divorce proceedings. Shame the Islamic system wants substantive reasons and proof of her basis for divorce and sees it as satisfactory before it ever bothers to do anything about it. I suppose one could make up an elaborate story and lie, and im sure for those who have been desperate to get out of their marriages have done so. Wouldn’t blame them either if they did.
There is a school of thought Organic though not sure which one which allows a virgin woman to marry herself off w/o a wali but I think thats in the case of there being no basis for which her wali refuses a proposal or refuses to approve of the suitor.
These divorce laws do not make it easy for women to have access to divorce – almost as if they expect some kind of anarchy to ensue if that was the case. These discrepancies don’t do anything to demonstrate women’s position in Islam, but rather do much harm.
Comment by Sumera — February 10, 2008 #
Sumera, I too feel that Islamic divorce laws are not fair but can I say that without being called a crazy progressive? And I think they are unfair because I have seen women close to me suffer.
My grandmother suffered in an abusive marriage yet she couldn’t divorce herself from the marriage. The case remained in court for 23 years and eventually she gave up and died a few years later. Because she couldn’t divorce, she couldn’t remarry and had to look after her four small children as the husband had disappeared with family # 2.
This is an example from home but I know other women who are in similar situations. There is a friend whose husband used to beat her black and blue. Eventually she walked out of his home but her divorce case is still in a Pakistani court. It has been 9 years. The husband insists that he loves her and has never hit her. He wants her to return with the two boys. 9 years later she has no bruises to display. Just a few months ago I learnt that he is now accusing her of adultery.
Then there is the case of the blogger we know who has to literally beg her husband to divorce her legally. He has proclaimed divorce already. He has taken back all the stuff they bought together. He didn’t support her during iddah and has still not granted her a legal divorce.
Of course we can argue till night that Islamic laws are set for law abiding, decent and honest Muslim men who are scared of the Hell fire, but honestly how many such men exist? Where there are strict punishments set for anti-social people there should be punishments set ‘in this world’ for men who treat women unfairly. But men get away – they get away with being scumbags. When a man has to verbally proclaim that he divorces his wife and a woman has to ‘prove’ that she is abused to ‘ask for’ divorce then laws are clearly not fair. It is easy to say that a woman should have sabr but when your four children are dying from hunger and eating others’ leftovers then sabr is a lot more than a four-letter word.
Comment by Achelois — February 11, 2008 #
Wanted to add that I agree with OM when she says that “in the time of Prophet Muhammad, women had more freedom and rights” and that was because of his just nature. Apart from him early Islam was full of men who thought women had to be “herded” and guided.
I wish we had just judges like the Prophet in every Muslim country but that is not possible and so women are suffering everywhere. There are several traditions that show that the Prophet never gave a woman grief over divorce. He even granted divorce to women who found their husbands unattractive – now try doing that in today’s time!
Comment by Achelois — February 11, 2008 #
“What IS the basis of not giving women the full right to divorce? What is the “wisdom” behind it?”
Answer: There isn’t any.
Comment by ned — February 11, 2008 #
I think now many women are *demanding* a pre-nup before getting married,to me, it is a smart move to *prevent* any such disasters happening. These days when you hear about someone getting married, you always pray that it *lasts*. I haven’s seen/heard of a man who has supported his wife(during iddah)financially, once the word *talaq* is used,there’s no other *support* that she gets from him.
Comment by sf — February 11, 2008 #
I think the reason women don’t have the basic power of divorce/marriage is because women are more emotional creatures, therefore are more apt to act in ways that don’t subscribe to logic and common sense than men.
Regarding OM’s statement about men and women both being prone to emotion, it’s not true in the sense that men and women are not equally prone.
Links to prove this emotional ‘instability’:
Women more likely than men to put emotions in motion
http://www.vanderbilt.edu/News/news/june98/nr4.html
Men and women also label their emotions differently.
http://samvak.tripod.com/sense.html
Women were also more likely to activate with greater intensity the part of the brain that generates rewarding feelings in response to new experiences.
http://www.joyofkidding.com/laughterclub/HealthWrArticles.html
Women remember disturbing, emotional images more than men, study shows.
http://news-service.stanford.edu/news/2002/july24/emotion-724.html
Emotional Wiring Different in Men and Women
http://www.livescience.com/health/060419_brain_wiring.html
The limbic brain is the part of the brain that feels emotion and it’s quite larger in women than men.
http://www.umsonline.org/Reading/PastIssues/2003/Winter03-4/Articles/diffsmenwomen.htm
Women’s brains are wired both to “feel” and to recall emotions more keenly than the brains of men.
http://www.usatoday.com/news/nation/2002-07-22-memory_x.htm
A woman would more likely detect anger in someone’s voice than a man (due to right side of IPL – women’s intuition).
http://www.wired.com/science/discoveries/news/1999/12/33033
Comment by Mezba — February 11, 2008 #
One reason for not giving women the full right to divorce is perhaps ensuring physical security for the women.
Can men actually accept being told to buzz off? It is quite possible that if a woman had similar full right to divorce, a ‘wounded’ man who was told (thrice) by his wife that she divorces him would have harmed her in rage and anger. Thus she is required to bring in men from her family to sort it out for her. I mean if a Pakistani imam can shove a burning rod into her wife’s vagina for not serving him tea imagine what he would have done if she had divorced him!
Just a thought…
Comment by Achelois — February 11, 2008 #
Achelois, doesn’t it surprise you that men’s weaknesses are used to justify injustices against women, rather than requiring men to change? Why should a woman sacrifice herself on altar after altar, just because men refuse to change? Some day women will have to wake up and realize that they deserve much better than this nonsense.
Comment by ned — February 12, 2008 #
You know Ned, that is good food for thought and suggestion for social change but the truth is all major prophets (Muslims believe) were sent to the Arab people and even after so many prophets trying to reform the Arab people and three major revealed books for references, there hasn’t been more than a dent in the nature of these people. Then how can we expect all the men in all the world to change? And it is not like God hasn’t tried to reform men. From Torah to Quran, all scared texts have continuously asked men to behave and change but …
Men must be reformed and expected to change but it doesn’t happen. Even contemporary secular laws have not been able to do justice. For example, the example of the imam I gave – the man was released after only 6 years of proposed 30 year jail term. The woman, his tortured wife, will need to carry a urine bag attached to her body all her life. Who changed?
Women have woken up to realise they deserve more than this but they can’t change men. No matter how much I want empowerment and independence for women I cannot herd men and ask them to behave. I can surely start from home and raise my children the way I think is appropriate but that’s about it. The first step anyone takes to help a battered woman is to ensure she is protected from further abuse.
I really don’t think one can blame God for ensuring that women remain safe. After all He knows exactly what beast He has created in the form of man!
Comment by Achelois — February 12, 2008 #
Well said Achelois, I think with all this abuse going on against women,it’s us women who can do something about it, we are mothers. We can try to raise our sons and daughters to know what is right and what is not. Before men become men,they are sons, small boys who dot on their mothers(yeah, mostly!) so it’s the mothers who have to show them how a woman is to be treated.
Comment by sf — February 12, 2008 #
I disagree with emotional decision by women, for nowadays women are more responcible and strong that men. That’s a fact.
The logic of Islam for right of divorce is not based on man as owner and woman as owned. It is based on the concept of LOVE itself in the nature, which knows man as a lover and woman as a beloved. from the Islamic point of view, it is extremely insulting to a woman that the law should force her to live with a husband who does not like her. The law can force a woman to live with a particular man, but it can’t secure her position as a beloved and center of the household, which she should have and that’s her right to have. The law can force a man to support his wife, but it can’t force him to be a devoted husband.
From a psychological statement, when man’s love and attachment cools down, the marriage naturally becomes ineffective. From a just point of view, we should say If the lack of love for wife also ends the domestic life, then naturally women should also have the right of divorce like men.
Bcs a successful domestic life depends on the mutual attachment of both the husband and the wife. But that difference between the mentality of man and woman effect it here. Not bcs woman is more emotional. Nature has so arranged that woman’s true and lasting love comes up only as a “reaction” of man’s attachment to her. So woman’s attachment to man is result of man’s attachment to her. If man loves woman really and is faithful to her, woman also loves him and remains faithful to him. So Woman’s faithlessness is definitely a reaction of man’s faithlessness.
Also i think the islamic laws of divorce is NOT parcticed completely in the muslim countries. That’s why problems are so much for a women to divorce. Regarding to Achelois example, There may be a man who neither wants to live happily with his wife nor would he agree to divorce her.
Based on Islam, in such cases divorce does not depend on the will and pleasure of the husband. If this man is not willing to divorce, the woman can’t be allowed to endure the agony without having a remedy. Islam does not play the role of a silent observer in the cases. So along the right to have any condition during nikah, there is a way for woman to oppose against her husband in the family court. This kind of divorce in Islam is named as “judical divorce”. They can refer to the verse (2:232):
“When you have divorced your wives, and they have reached their prescribed term, either retain them with honour or release them in kindness; Do not retain them by force to harm them. Whoever does that wrongs himself.”
From the bold sentence, slam does not allow any wicked man to misuse his powers and to keep any woman in straits to prevent her from marrying any other person.
It is something that usually does not practice properly in Islamic countries. For the laws of divorce are very incomplete and weak.
On the other hand, i believe the right of divorce just for men is NOT a must in the religion. It is a right that islamic countries can give to women too. It is not like praying or fasting that be pilars of religion. Like the issue of polygamy or having slaves, they are not a must and pillar.
Comment by Shahrzad — February 12, 2008 #
About the concept of wali, i need to add something here.Even scholars have different ideas on it..So i dont think that’s a must to have wali.. Concept of wali, is just about father and grandfather. A stranger has no right on that girl.. If there be no dad or grandpa, and the girl be in the age of maturity, she is free to choose. If the wali is opposing nonsensely with the marriage, the girl is allowed go and take permission from the family court to marry her man…Even she can take this permission officially to marry everyone she wants, even if there is no man in her life. Like my dad gave this right to me, i had taken the whole rights of mine to choose my future husband and any other job officially, when i was 18 years old.
Comment by Shahrzad — February 12, 2008 #
This law is something that is not usually practiced properly in Islamic countries*
Sorry for many mistakes as always lol
Comment by Shahrzad — February 12, 2008 #
I must stress on two things though, one, is that we must concede to concur that what we see across the Muslim world today is not Shariah in its true spirit and practice. Muslims have not lived or witnesses the Shariah being implemented wholistically and correctly anywhere in the world for last several hundred years. Therefore, it is not correct for the sake of this discussion to use examples from the Muslim countries today to point out ‘discrepancies’ in the the divine law. This method would be no different to how some Muslims take examples of hooliganism, yob culture, binge drinking, teenage pregencies and so on to show that the Western civilisation is on brink of decline, whereas, perhaps the truth is far from it.
Yes, women suffer in silence all over the world, in the West, East, North and the South. If a certain Muslim lady was abused and was not able to get divorce is because those incharge are the same ignorant people who allow women to suffer all over the world. To make this a Muslim only problem is rather naive if not divisive.
If what is being attempted here is to seriously evaluate the laws of Islam by studying the laws and not studying the misapplication of laws, we may be enlightened. Islam provides safety net for the women, if she is abused she takes her husband to court for abuse which has severe punishment, and the judge would be stupid not to divorce. I can explain this using many arguments but what I do find difficult to understand is why Muslims are too quick to dismiss islamic laws rather than to investigate and study?
Lastly, I must stress on the key components of belief in Islam such as Patient (sabr) and Tawakull (trust) in Allah (swt) as Al-Raheem, Al-Qadir and Al-Aleem. I will only cite one example of how the Prophet (saw) told a woman about to be Tortured to death to be Patient, because Allah (swt) loves the Sabiroon and there is a special place for such poeple in the gardens of Jannah. This example is one of the first female martyr of Islam, Sayeda Sumayyah(ra), whose household was continuously attacked by the Quresh. One day, the Qureshi leaders (some were uncles of the Prophet) were torturing her severely, so the Prophet (saw) said to her, ‘be patient, oh Summyyah, your place is in jannah’, she replied: ‘Ya Rasool Allah, I can see it, I can see it’ and then the sword was inserted in her vagina tearing her body all the way to the chest. May Allah’s mercy be showered upon her.
Comment by Tia — February 12, 2008 #
Seems like the divine law is never implemented anywhere properly (even though there are numerous Muslim countries – you’d think at least one of them would get it “right”) – so what are people meant to go on? If they have never seen a true/pure implementation of Islamic law in all these (usually pathetic) Muslim countries but yet (for those who live there and have to abide by these laws) people are affected and have to adhere to them (whether they like it or not) then its not exactly surprising that people have an issue with it.
My qualm with the divorce system is this – If Islamically we know a wife can divorce from her husband even on grounds of her finding him unattractive – then why is this not a good enough reason to grant her khula nowadays? Why does she need to have a case severe enough (like being abused) in order for someone to pay enough pity on her and grant her divorce? Why does she need to “prove” anything when we KNOW that the same does not apply to a man and he is NOT subject to the same procedure?
Comment by Sumera — February 13, 2008 #
I very much agree with B. Those laws are reflectant of the days in which they were written. Throughout many cultures ideaologies of the past are being put under the microscope and adjusted or rewritten so to speak. In America for example, divorce was completely taboo and people stayed in very unhappy marriages due to it. Now some half of the marriages end in divorce. The world is reflecting the advancement of times in my eyes. We are taking the stigma from divorce and the mere fact that this case has come up and is being worked is a reflection of that. Yesterdays ideaologies are not acceptable for us today. I work for http://www.firstwivesworld.com, it is an online community for women navigating through the various stages of divorce and life thereafter. I see first hand this removal of the stigma and desire to move forward as people positively. Check out the site and you will see, http://www.firstwivesworld.com
Just my two cents
Ann Marie
Comment by Ann Marie — February 13, 2008 #
I guess it’s not my place to participate in this discussion, being non-religious. However I have lived in the Muslim world for the better part of my life and I was caught up in this whole “boys will be boys” frame of thought for the longest time.
Fact of the matter is, people can and *do* change. The whole point of spirituality is change, liberation from our lower nature and biological conditioning to a higher state where we are God-conscious. This is the message of practically every religious tradition in the world. So this whole idea that men will never change is really ridiculous for me.
The more time I have spent in more liberal countries, the more I have made male friends who are sensitive, kind, compassionate, and whom I trust on a very deep and intimate level.
We don’t have to make men change (or women or anyone else for that matter). What we do have to do is detach from men (or women) who will hurt us and remain detached from them, so that we are in a position of strength and they aren’t able to bully us. It’s simply a question of developing the inner discernment to realize what sort of human beings one can be close to and what sort will be a source of pain. None of my male friends would dream of hurting me. Women need to take responsibility for themselves and stop expecting men to protect them. We are all individuals, not cardboard cutouts.
The cognitive gender schemas we build up self-perpetuate and that’s how all this “boys will be boys” stuff is used to keep women suppressed (and men tied to their most ignorant natures). Believe me, for every woman who takes a step toward freedom and independence, there is a man somewhere who breathes a little easier because his burden becomes lighter and he can start shedding some of his own neuroses.
Comment by ned — February 15, 2008 #
The tone and the way the text is written, it appears as if Allah’s wisdom is being questioned. I hope that is not the case sister.
I feel it comes down to the same, that women today reject or are not willing to accept the fact that men have an upper hand. If this is accepted, you would never have come up and questioned the “wisdom” of this issue.
I hope you understand that the tone you used was aggressive. Questions arise, do ask them, but do not try to make fun of them this way.
A very important note, YOU ACCEPT YOURSELF AS A MUSLIM AND ISLAM AS YOUR RELIGION. A RELIGION IS A COMPLETE CODE OF LIFE. IF YOU DO NOT FIND YOURSELF ADHERING TO IT, YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE CHOSEN IT.
Comment by Ammar — February 20, 2008 #
Thanks for your comments Ammar. The tone used was not aggressive, it was inviting people for a discussion on a topic that I have raised on numerous occassions. Owing to the medium of the Net, tone can be miscontrued.
We are not robots who do not question. If a religion is a code of life, that code needs understanding before it can be applied. This is not about adherence, its about knowledge. And for those who would rather resign to walking around with closed eyes, they may very well do so but it won’t help them in the long run.
Comment by Sumera — February 20, 2008 #
i am very surprised at opinions on this blog and on organic muslimah”s blog> i guess it is because i have been raised in what could be termed the “ideal islamic environment” alhamdulillah
i have had very very wonderful men in front of me< including my dad i think that if a person has bad role models or men who are not great examples< then women begin to question the obligation to obey them< and their right to initiate divorce etc
however if one has a good example of a man< a true muslim< well practicing< sincere but there are few men out there who are true practicing< i think if when marrying< a person goes out looking for the right things< she will be very happy
i think when we read about stories of men who are messed up examples< it messes up our perception of men< watching movies< the men we hear about< they should not be our standard of what a muslim man will be like< sometimes if you have bad expectation and bad perceptions of men< you tend to expect the bad from all men<
the thing is< a real muslim man is nothing like the men we hear of today< of course the true uslim men are not as easy to find< and require us to be good ourselves to actually find them< they are certainly there
what happens is when women find it hard to find practicing men< they lower their standards and marry an average person< truth is< if when looking for a man< your main objective is to find the best muslim you can< someone who maintains the adab of ghaddal basar< respects women< follows the sunnah int reating women< etc___then insha allah you will find the best man< never doubt in allah swt< i have seen these situations thus i state this< i have seen men who are literally amazing< and i know them in and out to state this< they are obviously my mahrams lol
i think part of this wrong perception people often have of men< marriage< etc is because we have been raised in a kufr environment< so we often think our men are same as some of the sick men that exist in our societies today and if they are like the men of the society who oppress< then no< they do not deserve the islamic rights that men have< but a true humble muslim he will not abuse them<
i don”t even know if i got my point accross and i cannot proofread what i have written because my KEYBOARD as you can see is sooooooooo messed up< the periods< commas< etc are not working
anyways< hope you all are well insha allah!
take care
Comment by anon — February 22, 2008 #
oh by the way
also> the above demonstrates bad quality writing> lol> i didnt even know i had written all that until after i posted it lol
Comment by anon — February 22, 2008 #
So did you find any answers, Sumera?
When a Muslim lives every second of their life making choices based on Islam it is imperative to understand the logic behind the laws that bind us. The early Muslims tried to understand them. The matriarchs of the society who suddenly adopted patriarchy under Islam questioned and tried to understand the laws. We must all endeavour to question and understand.
I have met very few Western Muslims who think about such important issues because it is natural to feel protected under the secular laws which exist in their countries. You are well-covered in certain aspects since you live in the UK so you don’t really need to worry about these issues which malign the lives of women living in the East. But you still try to understand and reason with the laws which is admirable.
I am glad you have brought up this issue so many times on your blog, Sumera. The divorce rates are rising steadily in the Muslim world with that in some GCC countries being higher than that in the UK! It is important to know why it is happening; what laws exist in the religion to offer protection to the women; and are men really using their rights lawfully or are they twisting them.
Comment by Achelois — February 25, 2008 #
Nope, haven’t had anything cleared up Achelois – which is something I’ve also had before with my previous posts on the same issue. I’m aware that these things most probably won’t ever directly affect me (Insh’Allah) but I do wonder about those stuck amongst it all what recourse do they have?
Just as sex trafficking, child abuse, sex abuse, domestic violence, slavery, concubinage to name but a few things doesn’t affect me directly it doesn’t mean I should never address it or attempt to engage in a discussion over it in order to understand it. Some people may find the process too complex, with it potentially raising difficult questions which are left unanswered, but that in itself is a process of learning. Active learning.
Thank you Achelois.
Comment by Sumera — February 25, 2008 #
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