I was told by my brother it should be Baraat then Nikkah and I suppose he’s right so here goes:
Event 5/6: Baraat
Prior to the groom leaving his home and setting off to the wedding a ceremony of Sehra Bandan occurs. Traditionally the groom wears a sehra (veil of flowers) although nowadays he is just adorned with flower garlands. Family members of the groom give him gifts or salaami (gifts of money). His sisters and/or cousins may stop him leaving the home and demand for a gift or money (this is playful and not at all a serious hijack type occurrence!). He then gifts them with gold jewellery or money.
Baraat is the entourage which the groom brings on the wedding day. This usually consists of his family and friends. They are referred to as the “baraati”. Traditionally the groom, decked in a sherwani complete with turban and khussay, turns up on a white horse. The horse is embellished with various decorations. With the groom is a shahbala. The shahbala is basically a young child, either his nephew or younger brother who dresses up exactly like the groom, right down to footwear. The shahbala is equivalent to a Best Man, but is not handed responsibility for tasks as is per custom of the best man in a Western sense. He is simply there for cuteness!
The baraati’s usually turn up dancing and singing - with much fervour and cheer. Some throw firecrackers or launch fireworks as part of these celebrations. The shehnai (shrill flute) plays, dhol (drums) are beaten and there is much cheering and whooping. I heard recently at a baraat one of the baraati as a joke, threw a firecracker near the horse – who became frightened and threw the groom off its back and onto the ground. The poor groom ended up covered in mud and filth!
The baraati’s arrival is much anticipated by the girls side of the family who await with confetti to welcome their presence. Girls form two lines on both sides of the aisle and as the baraati are ushered into the hall they throw confetti and greet them with smiles and kind words. The girls parents welcome their guests and adorn the groom and his parents with a garland of flowers.
The arrival of the baraati’s and finally the groom allows the next series of events to commence – which is the nikkah.
Event 5/6: Nikkah
The reason why I had the nikkah first in my previous list is due to the practise of some families and individuals choosing to perform the nikah ceremony a day or two (or months) prior to the wedding day. However, the norm amongst most Pakistani’s is to have the nikkah on the day of the wedding after the baraat has arrived.
Once the baraati’s arrive and settle down, the nikkah ceremony can begin. The girl tends to be sitting in a room, in all her finery – jewellery (which consists of bangles, rings, earrings, nath – nose ring -, tikka which dangles on the forehead and/or jhumar which sits at the temple of her forehead, to the side), wedding outfit, make up and henna-ed hands and feet- separate from the guests. With her are her sisters, cousins and/or friends.
For the nikkah the Imam will meet her and ask her, in the presence of two witnesses (2 are formal witnesses who attest to the contract, other people are usually in the room but tend to be observers) that a proposal by the groom (full name mentioned) for marriage to her has been made (this is termed -Ijab-e-Qubul) and states mahr amount. The Imam then asks does she accept this proposal. To which (hopefully!) she replies I accept (qabool hai). This question is asked thrice and she responds thrice. Some take her silence as acceptance, but generally most people I know and the Imams here encourage and seek a clear verbal response. After this verbal acceptance she signs the documents, as do her witnesses. A dua is read – and the imams goes to the groom.
The groom is asked the same set of questions however the sequence changes. The imam informs the groom that the bride has accepted his proposal, including the mahr amount and does he accept the bride (her full name) as his wife. He answers I accept her (qabool hai) and signs the documents as do his two witnesses. This question and answer occurs thrice as before.
After this the groom is congratualted, as are his parents and the brides mother and father. Usually the girls parents may be teary eyed with happiness but also at the realisation that their little girl who they raised so lovingly, and who filled the home with her laughter, who spread her love and warmth with her mere presence, and lit up the lives of her siblings and parents is now somebodys wife and will soon depart her paternal home to set up a new life with her husband. Its a happy but also a sad moment.
The grooms side hand out “bidh” – which are small pouches consisting of sweets, and “chuwarey” which are pieces of dried fruit and nuts.
After this the bride enters the hall, walked in by her brothers usually, and is lead to the stage. She takes her seat to the right side of the groom who is standing in wait for her. At this point the brides sister and/or female cousin quickly steals his seat.
A few games begin at this point.
She demands money/gifts from the groom in order to vacate the seat for him to sit next to his wife. A playful rapport occurs, with him stating an amount and the sister rejecting it. Sometimes the grooms family also chirps in and asks the poor girl to consider the grooms feelings! This is all done in jest. Eventually she accept his gift and vacates the seat. After the groom takes his place, the sister again brings a glass of milk for the groom and bride to drink from (doodh palai). For this she also demands another gift from him!
Another game is called jhooti chupai (hiding shoes). The sister again, somehow, removes the shoe of the groom then demands salaami/a gift in exchange for it. Similar to the seat game, he and his family will offer amount which she rejects. At this point the sister is gifted with gold jewellery (gold jewellery for the elder sisters and silver for the young ones)
This marks the ends of the games. At this point guests may come up and congratulate the newly weds and parents, respectively.
Food is served, or I should say feasts!
Event 7: Rukhsati
The rukhsati marks the end of the wedding celebrations. The bride is led out of the hall by the groom and the baraat. The Quran may be held over her head, and it meant to demonstrate bestowment of blessings upon her. There is much crying at this point as she leaves. Her family members will hug her and mark her departure with kind sweet words. There is more crying. Women usually cry as they remember their own rukhsati or they cry because she is leaving them or just because they want to!
Traditionally the bride would be led towards her doli (palanquin) and be taken to her new home in this vehicle of transport. Nowadays the doli has been replaced with a vintage cars, limousines or a bog standard hatchback decorated with ribbons. Before setting foot into the car/doli she will meet with her parents, hug and kiss them. She is then taken away by the baraat. This marks the end of the rukhsati and of the wedding day.
Next: Events 8 & 9: Waleemah & Makhlawa
This is so cute!
and you link the words to the cutest pics ever!
But couple of links are not working…:(
1. “After this verbal acceptance she signs the documents”
2. “jhoota chupai”
Wow, all this makes me down right glad I’m not Pakistani
The clothes and jewelry, however, look fabulous. So much better than blah and boring white.
My idea of a wedding is the priest (i’m christian), the guy of course, the parents/siblings and that would be it. The whole thing will be over in 30 minutes tops. I am most decidedly an aberration amongst my egyptian brethren
I remember my mom had said about Sahra Bandan (with persian accent i said). They had it done for her. But nowadays nobody does do it really.
I wonder how you manage all these programs? Isnt it so difficult? All things be on time and properly done.. I would lose half of my weight due to stress..
The second foto here, the bride crying.OH MY GOD.. Reminds me of the day i have to leave my country to live with my husband. It’s a nitemare even if the biggest pleasure..
What pakistani women do that their hair become that thick beautiful black and straight??
Haha i made a mistake lol
I saw sehra link and what you meant is a cloth. Yes?
I meant Sahra which is the day that groom and bride and their family going out the city together to a garden.
I almost started to cry after reading the ruksati part lol
btw the pics look more indian than pkai:p
Ordinary Girl: Yeah some of the links dont work for some reason! They did when I inserted them :p
Anon: I can understand it seems hectic to outsiders, but its not too bad when its all you’ve ever been exposed to
Shahrzad: Ah it should read Sehra Bandi, I mistyped it (as usual my brain races ahead of my fingers) and yep its a cloth, or more precisely a veil made of flowers. The wedding is not too hard to organise, all the family takes part and each has their own role (e.g. greet guests, make sure food is served hot and ontime etc) so it comes together flawlessly on the day
Im not even trying to think about the rukhsati part; I will most probably sob like a banshee.
The thick hair? They oil it! :p Years and years of oiling and grooming. I might do a post on Asian hair grooming methods sometime
youngMuslimah: The rukhsati part makes most people blubber, even hard hearted folks :p I found it quite difficult to look for Pakistani wedding photos (aside from the jewellery photo)- besides theres little difference between an Indian and Pakistani wedding anyway
I cannae be doing with all this fuss! Okay, so no where near to getting married… but I’ve never been a wedding gal. And when it does come to my turn at some point (insha’Allah, way before all my hair turns grey), and my parents are still around (again, insha’Allah), then I know they cannae handle this stress either! So for the sake of all our sanity, I just want a one day event… but I know what I want means little when it comes to these types of big family events.
Excellent post! Reminds me of the gazillion and one traditions that have to be fulfilled at sub-continental weddings. I’m impressed by the amount of research you put into this…until last year when i had to participate in all these customs for a cousin’s wedding, i had no idea of any game except the ‘Joota Chupai’!
Nowadays, its getting ‘trendier’ here to have the Nikah before the Barat… and only vewy vewy (i say veWy for a reason) rich and trendy people use the horse to come to the wedding. Its mostly cars.
Agree with iMuslim- no fuss for me, thank you!
Salaams, I love this wee series! It’s strange to see all the traditions and stuff written down – makes me realise how random it must seem to non-Pakistanis
I think in the west, not all pakistanis do all the traditions – they pretty much just pick and choose. At my sister’s we did the rokhing the baraat thing – don’t know if you mentioned it, it’s when the baraat is arriving and the bride’s sisters/cousins stop them from coming in until they get paid
. We did the whole dood pilai bit as well. We left out a lot of stuff, like just having a girly party instead of a mehndi. And I was soooo not prepared to touch any guy’s stinky shoes!
iMuslim: Yep you got it in one! Most wedding events are rarely about the couple, but what family wants. And ach, let them have it
misspecs: I am definite I missed out on a few things, probably because half of the above in our family we dont do anyway. But I’ve seen it happen at many a P’stani wedding.
mcPagal: I never put much thought into Pakistani wedding customs, but put together I realised we do such much! lol. Yep I missed out the “no entry” to hall game, and also another one where the girls friends each make the groom drink a full glass of milk (until he bursts I suppose). The fun thing is, none of this is an absolute must – you can do what you like and leave what you dont and overall it doesnt make a difference
I think different families have different traditions and ‘games’ in their weddings. When all of them are put together, they do look a lot of things but most of the families just pick some of the tradition from what Sumera wrote down, so non-Pakistani people, its not THAT much fuss!!
Besides, it’s not like as if only women have to take care of everything like in Western weddings. Here we pick a hall decoration then it’s the brother’s/father’s/uncle’s job to get it done. Food is also usually considered the guys’ headache!
As for no fuss vs. loads of fuss…I guess, I fall somewhere in between. Horse can go but would like a couple of things like Jota Chupai and Dhood Pilayi
now there’s one HUGE difference b/w an indian and a paki wedding. guess what? hint: click on the links below :p
http://aycu01.webshots.com/image/45240/2000531840459439854_rs.jpg
http://www.prkorea.com/tt/board/db/board/eworld/upload/1_10000/18/bride.bmp
OrdinaryGirl:Completely agree. These traditions and games are dependent on families and what they use to do. Seems like a fuss, but it isnt on the day – is quite alot of fun infact and every family member shares responsibility to make the day a good one
Its completely a family affair which is nice. I really dont get weddings that dont have the bride’s brother or father there (just the women are present) – seems incredibly sad to me not to have them present, by your side, on your memorable day.
youngMuslimahThe giesha girl look for pakistani brides? and/or the sindoor? :p
Whoops, mind the bold text! Error :p
I dont know what a giesha is :S
ok, the difference is do you notice how much makeup a paki bride puts on? they look like ceramic or something lol indian brides dont do as much makeup.
btw the sindoor is the thing u put in yr hairline, that dot thing is called the ‘bindi’.
Geisha girls are Japanese equivalents of courtesans (tawaifs) – they typically wear ghost white make up :p They do plaster a brides face, must be the obsession with gora-pan.
Ah yes the bindi, completely overlooked that (see it all the time so dont bat an eyelid at it anymore!)
Hmmm….personally speaking, I liked Pakistani brides more than Indian brides. I can’t stand that Indian nath, I like Pakistani version of just a big plain gold ring going thru the nose as compared to the one in the pic posted by youngMuslimah
Please don’t let one bad case of Pakistani bridal makeup get to you 
Besides, I dont like how that big garland messes the Indian brides duppata!
Oooohhhh… that’s so cool!
I’m both glad and disappointed that I won’t be having a traditional desi wedding… I’ll miss out on all the fun and sparkly shiny things, but on the other hand, I’m saved all that stress and expense :p
Love the “series” – I’m learning a lot! D’you know what kinda stuff you’ll be doing for sure at your own events?
haha ordinary girl, i think i like the nath in that pic:p maybe i’ll have like that in my own wedding (whenever that will be lol) besides not all Indian brides wear the same thing. our culture is really diverse:)
oh Re the paki brides, actually ALL of them wear the ghost white make up. I know, i’ve paki friends and they confirm it too..
Not true. Pakistanis ARE usually much more fair skinned than Indians, who have their own color complex with “gora pan” since they tend to be a lot darker. Plus a lot of Pakistanis are mixed with Afghan as well, Pathans etc. my grandmother is a Pakistani Pathan and she has blonde hair and blue eyes, she looks Russian. And no I’m not biased I’ve got Indian AND Pakistani in my family and love them both.
Sumera! You’ve managed to scare me even more about Pakistani weddings.
What’s wrong with small simple weddings!
Ordinarygirl & youngMuslimah: I find there are more similarities between Indian and Pakistani brides/weddings and very few differences. Sharing cultures makes it all the more richer, which is lovely
lol Organica, small simple weddings are unknown amongst desi’s :p Half the fun is all the stress! The smallest and simplest P’stani wedding I ever went to was a friends – she had a small nikkah (close family and friends – total 50 people perhaps) and then a waleemah.
Organica: why scared? Is Mr Organic a Desi?!
lol iMuslim you should pay more attention! The devils in the details :p
I’ve never been to a Pakistani wedding. I hear the food’s nice, better than the grease soaked naan ghost they serve up at gujerati weddings :p
LOL @ Sumera
Usually the girls parents may be teary eyed with happiness but also at the realisation that their little girl who they raised so lovingly, and who filled the home with her laughter, who spread her love and warmth with her mere presence, and lit up the lives of her siblings and parents is now somebodys wife and will soon depart her paternal home to set up a new life with her husband – LOL that sounds so jane austenish
but why cry? I think crying is more on the male side these days!!! heheh…
Abdul.: They serve the same. Aside from dhal chawal.
Organica:
everythingiseventual: lol got to pep it up a little bit – and what better way to do it than in Jane Austin style?
UTP:Crying just “happens” really -imagine the groom sobbing his eyes out! Not demure at all :p
I love the Jane Austen style!
Am I being really shallow when I mention I love the dresses and jewellery?
50 times better than the awful white merengue-dresses you wear here.
Actually those weddingdresses have been one of the reasons I didn’t want to get married!
I’ll go for something more desi I think, much better, even in white! I like the sherwani better too!
Lovely series, Sumera! thanks!
Our weddings are kinda more similar due to the fact that they take more than a day to complete!
Sometimes we got one going on at the both the bride and the groom’s sides(2 occassions but same wedding!). I haven’t been to a pakistani wedding but I have been to an indian wedding back home.
{scratches head}
Is that a yes?!
YoungMuslimah,
Many Pakistani brides also wear a bindi.
A bindi is very cultural.
Maya, they wear a ‘teeka’ which is like a gold chain pinned up in her hair and it falls onto her forehead. The little dot/shape that you paste on your forehead is usually called Bindi here. It would be considered so ‘Indian’ here in Pakistan. I think i have yet to see a ‘Bindi-ed’ bride. Although some of the guests do wear them and people whisper behind their hands about how ‘Star Plus-sy’ they look.
And hey Abdul and Sumera, we serve really good food! The usual menu is Biryani (chicken and rice) and Qorma (chicken curry) and some BBQ’d stuff. Its the same menu almost everywhere in Pk.
Daal Chawal, at a wedding?? Oh my, that would be considered such an insult. Here, Daal Chawaal is considered the ‘poor’ man’s diet and something people only eat at home. I don’t know why, but it is. Plus its informal.
It’d be like serving McDonald’s Burgers at a wedding meal.
Now that i read what i wrote above, we Pakistanis seem like a very very biased society…
we are. But we’re not all THAT bad.
You guys make me hungry with talking about foods.. I tried Indian food before and it was absolutely delicious. I assume pakistani or bangeladeshi foods are somehow similar. yes?
Sumi, you have to go for Pakistani food (recipes?!) in weddings too
Indian food rules LOL i’m very biased:p j/k
maya: bindi is more ‘hinduish’ than cultural. But I s’pose you were talking about the teeka..
sf: Indian and P’stani weddings are similar, just a few customs are different but overall the same thing :p
iMuslim: Ask Mrs Organica herself :p
Maya: I think you mean the teeka – the bindi (which is between the eyebrows) is Indian
misspecs:Yep the food is quite rich. Dhal chawal is a Gujariti special that I know of and is served at their weddings. Pakistani food is usually meat orientated and very “mughal”
Shahrzad: Pakistani foods are the same as Indian. Bengali’s sway more towards the fish side of things, and tend to add sugar to their foods (correct me if im wrong Haleem!). But usually at P’stani weddings, P’stani food is served.
youngMuslimah: Considering India and Pak were the one thing, the food is the same :p
I noticed pakis add a lot of ‘tel’ or maybe it’s just the paki restaurants i go to :p
“The shahbala is equivalent to a Best Man, but is not handed responsibility for tasks as is per custom of the best man in a Western sense. He is simply there for cuteness!”
Haha! So cute
YoungMuslimah: “oh Re the paki brides, actually ALL of them wear the ghost white make up. I know, i’ve paki friends and they confirm it too..”
I think you might be mistaken, or maybe it’s because I take ‘Pakistani’ to mean people of Pak origin, not necessarily those living there. I’ve never seen a whited out ghost bride in any of the weddings I’ve been to in Britain, even my mum wasn’t ghost-ified at hers (almost 30 years ago!). I’ve seen pics from Pakistan like that though, or in the society wedding picture sections of magazines.
Misspecs,
If you didn’t catch by my name, I’d desi. My family is Muslim (in Pakistan), and Hindu (in India)(and don’t ask how). I’m aware of traditions on both sides.
Bindi’s are still worn by lots of women, because it’s decoration. I made no mention of a tikka, although it is also worn.
Stereotypes and generalisations all round :p
It was so much fun reading this series…
Its exactly the same as a typical Punjabi wedding in India. And before someone asks, yes the wedding ceremonies in other parts of India are very very different…a South-Indian wedding is very different from a Punjabi wedding is quite different from a Bengali wedding
. Though thanks to Ekta Kapur (Star Plus) and Bollywood more & more the wedding ceremonies are starting to look and feel similar…:)
Is it the same in Pakistan too? Do different regions have different ceremonies/customs!
@ the readers commenting on the long drawn wedding celebrations in the subcontinent: I quote my husband- the divorce rates are lower in the sub-continent as no one can afford to go through a second wedding (time, money, energy and resource wise)
The hindu counterpart of the Nikaah (the much publicized “Saat Pheras”) last most of the night.
I really appreciate the effort you have made to document the main customs and traditions!
But I guess each of us who has attended one of these weddings will agree that they are sooper fun! (not for the bride and the groom obviously)
What a beautiful picture!
Its a shame that Islamic weddings are overshadowed by foolish people following traditions and culture, rather than faith and religion. Most of the ‘customs’ listed or done at Pakistani weddings are deemed ‘haraam’. But hey, as long as the neighbour give respect and are happy. Who cares, huh?
There is room within Islam mona to engage in cultural practises and customs. No-one is co-erced into doing these, and if people find them not to their liking then they are also not forced to attend the wedding. Simple.
Ohhh what a lovely post
Makes me want my cousin to get married tomorrow! (she’s engaged)
As for the whole Paki vs. Indian wedding… I think we’re over looking the fact that it’s culture rather than countries. I am an Indian Muslim and so obviously at our weddings we don’t wear bindis and our weddings are exactly like the one described above. It’s Desi-Muslim culture, rather than just “Pakistani”.
Seriously, very very few differences between India-Pakistan.
I love how some people find this overwhelming even though this is just the basics! There’s dholkis, rasms at home, etc. etc. Loved this post.
Behind your veneer of respect and culture, you, YoungMuslimah are clearly hiding a shed-load of racism.
I’m talking specifically about YoungMuslimah. Being a Muslimah, don’t you think you should put aside the Indian-Pakistani hatred? Being of Indian origin doesn’t mean you somehow have the right to be racist.
I and almost all British Pakistani’s consider ‘paki’ to be a racist insult, but that’s probably what you intended.
Personally, I like all races and don’t believe in racism, in fact, I hate it, even if it’s meant in a joking manner because it hurts as it’s thrown in my face every other day.
We’re all Muslims here, respect that please.
And Organica, I’m trusting that you’ll remove the racist post of ‘YoungMuslimah’ because it *is* racist.
Organica can’t remove the post, because this isn’t her blog :p
wow i wish it happens wid me lolz
and i dont like when the girl does to sum 1 else house my sis got marrie and then she just came back wid us
hello….i want to ask you something…in pakistan, women does.t have to be covered? i mean their hair?
No, they don’t have to – it’s not enforced by the state.
Thnx Sumera for your reply, i’m interested about all traditions from Pakistan, and as far as i knew, women have to covered his hair with burqa. i know women are all the time covered, why they don’t covere at a wedding too? pls don’t misundestand me, that’s what i heard, and i want to find out more, about islam and muslims, and Pakistan. Thnx again!
Most women in Pakistan don’t wear the burqa, a small faction of them wear niqaab. Women are not covered at all times within Pakistan – but commonly covering the hair is seen as a sign of modesty and so thats you might see women in the bazaars in a loose headscarf.
Not all women in Pakistan are Muslim. You get Christains, Sikhs and some Hindu women who live there too.
Ohhh..i undestand now…i read about some man who sprayed women face with acid, because she wasn’t covered…and i assume that all women has to be covered, that’s why i didn’t undestand how they can be uncovered at a wedding….you wrote this articles, you are from Pakistan? i like it (both, articls and Pakistan)!
I’m talking specifically about YoungMuslimah. Being a Muslimah, don’t you think you should put aside the Indian-Pakistani hatred? Being of Indian origin doesn’t mean you somehow have the right to be racist.
after the rukhsati, do the girls parents go the grooms house, or its mostly hotels in this age? 2 say one final gud bye to the daughter, or should they just say goodbyes at the rukhsati?