Channel 4 The Family: Stereotypes & Realities – Disownment

December 17, 2009 at 10:49 am | In Documetary, Drama, Family, Gender Issues, Life, Men, Muslims, Non-Muslim, Patriarchy, Society | 7 Comments

 

Channel 4’s “The Family” this season are following a Sikh family compromising of parents (Sarbjit & Arvinder), 2 adult sons, Tindy and Sunny (who is married to) Shay (the daugher in law), daughter, Kaki, and son in law, Jeet & toddler Bhavi all living under one roof (the latter couple temporarily living there as Kaki is heavily pregnant with their second child).

Many traits inherent in this Asian family seem familiar and wouldnt necessarily be out of place in the average asian family from the Indian subcontinent, be they Sikh, Hindu or Muslim. These are similarities which span across the spectrum, irrespective of religious leanings. A classic example being father Arvind who is oblivious to the dynamics of the kitchen and often beckons his wife without actually using her name. Instead he chooses to yell  “where’s my tea!” “I want food” or “you eat like a pig” when he wants her attention. Sarbjit lovingly retorts back, when she isnt half dozing away infront of the TV or grunting at Arvinder’s requests. The boys, aside from son-in-law Jeet, are rarely seen to venture into the kitchen either.

But aside from these stereotypes, the family addresses some issues which are pertinent amongst the Asian society, bringing them to the forefront. Shay, their resident daughter in law, has been estranged from her mother who disowned her for wanting to marry Sunny – he was considered unsuitable due to caste differences. This is being outcast/disowned.

Intolerance in marriage amongst the Asian community stems from issues such as compatibility, status, reputation and progressive gain. Many marriages are viewed from the lens of maintaining and preserving certain traits which are inherent and apparent within various castes and/or tribes. Some of this caste system has sprung from ancestrial occupations, with labourers, farmers seen as low due to being manual workers, engaging in menial tasks in comparison to landlords and intellectuals who were viewed to be loftier, desirable and often idealised.

Some caste differences are upon the insistence of having certain traits or family values which are upheld. Many of those who have caste marriages will admit it would be “easier” to fit in as they would “be similar” to “my own family”.

Preservation of caste is taken seriously and in some families is vehemently adhered to. There is family acceptance of anyone not towing the line would be outcase and disowned – which is what Jeet admitted he would do in a heartbeat should his daughter ever go against his wishes in the way Shay had done; nothing is above the family’s code and standards by which its members live according to.

A number of things which can lead to being disowned aside (and including) marrying outwith your caste/tribe are: marrying someone of another race and/or religious background, not agreeing to wed the person you were betrothed to since just after birth, pregnant out of wedlock or even choosing your own spouse. Although girls are systematically subjected moreso to these “rules”, the boys are not immune (although this is debatable as a family’s honour is usually tied to the behaviour of their women so this noose around their neck is often tighter)

Although the “decision” to disown a child is often took to be unanimous, it is often decided and acted upon by the patriarch of the home – this could be the father, uncle or brother (older or younger). Very rarely are mother’s so instinctively willing to disown their child, but as patriarchial family structures go – Asian families are very much organised under this male authoritarian rule. After which the outcasted individual is treated as being dead, but often the dead are (sometimes) remembered and spoken of fondly, the disowned cease to exist  – almost as if they had never been born.

Some of these ways of thinking are phasing out amongst the new generation however there is little doubt of it disappearing completely whilst the notions of “preserving”  ideals of caste, tribe and race  exist.

Film Review: Hard Candy

November 22, 2009 at 3:25 pm | In Drama, Movies | 10 Comments

Whilst accidentally browsing for something to watch due to having a bout of insomnia (darn flu!) I came across the movie Hard Candy starring Ellen Page, who you’ll probably recognise as being from the movie “Juno”.

Hard Candy revolves around Hayley (Ellen Page), a 14 year old girl and Jeff (Patrick Wilson) a photographer, whom she meets offline after chatting to him for a few weeks. They decide to meet up in a coffee shop and amongst some light and blatantly flirtatious and sexually suggestive banter, Jeff takes her home to his flat under the guise of listening to a CD. They chat and mull over some fruit juice laden with vodka. Jeff begins to become disoriented and passes out. This is where the action begins. He wakes up finding himself bound to a chair.

Hayley suspects Jeff to be a paedophile and from hereon in subjects him to physical as well as psychological torture in order to expose him. She’s a self-appointed vigilante-  “I am every little girl you ever watched, touched, hurt, screwed, killed.”

There is alot of dialogue used and sometimes its hard to understand and hear what’s been said. However despite this, the movie is fast paced and throughout it you wonder whether Hayley is slightly deranged as Jeff seems like such a pleasant guy and not unlike the sexual predator who grooms underage girls that Hayley makes him out to be.

The most excruciating scene is when Hayley decides Jeff needs to be castrated and begins to prep him for the surgical intervention complete with sutures, an ice pack to numb the area and gloves. This is just one of the methods she uses to purge a confession out of Jeff who protests his innocence and pleads with Hayley to get therapy.

She refuses to believe him and turns his flat upside looking for any pieces of evidence which point to his paedophilia. Eventually she finds a safe and opens it to discover a photo of a girl who has been missing. The story also involves his love interest, Janelle, who he still pines for despite breaking up with her for a number of years. Hayley uses Janelle to get to Jeff, playing mind games with knowing his soft spot for her.

Eventually she threatens to expose him by claiming his attempt to molest her to Janelle if he doesn’t hang himself. With Janelle arriving to the flat under the premise of an incident having occurred (call made by Hayley),  Jeff panics and admits he didnt kill the missing girl but his colleague did and he’d give her his name.But Hayley’s already been there and presumably subjected him to the same series of psychological torture leading to his eventual death. She re-assures him of clearing all evidences of his paedophilia after his death so his love interest Janelle would never know.

But she leaves all the photo’s out in the open. And flee’s.

One thing I wasn’t completely sure of was why was Hayleys’s threat of exposing him to Janelle actually matter to him? After all being a photographer meant he would come across girls of all ages as part of his profression so he could conjure up a number of reasons for why he had photo’s up on his wall.

Aside from that, it’s a movie that will make you squirm and at times feel sympathy for Jeff until you realise Hayley was right all along.

Storytelling via sand art work

October 18, 2009 at 2:26 pm | In Culture, Drama, Learning, Life, Media, Poetry | 2 Comments

This is absolutely wonderful. The artist, Kseniya Simonova, tells a story about war, separation, love and faith all through sand art.

The Glass House: Iranian Doc

October 7, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In Drama, Learning, Life, Media, Men, Society, Television, Women | 3 Comments

Did anyone catch The Glass House on More4 yesterday? I missed it and was hoping to catch it on 4OD but it’s not available to watch :(

This is what Glass House is about:

No one runs away from happiness” says sixteen year old Mitra. She sits alone on a park bench, struggling with her deep abandonment issues and contemplating running away.  Her lonely days consist of cooking and cleaning for her father and brother who both abuse and neglect her. Sussan is 20 years old and she has endured so much physical abuse and head trauma that at times she stutters when she speaks. Years of rampant sexual abuse by her own brothers has culminated into a dangerous drug addiction. At an age where most girls are only concerned with make up and clothes, Samira, 14, has been to rehab for the second time. The local police found her unconscious on the street. Nazila, 19, is a juvenile delinquent turned rapper. Although it is illegal for women in Iran to record songs, she says that rap is “how I express myself”. Her deep and meaningful lyrics tell the painful story of an angry woman who resents the society that has discarded her and made her who she is.

The Glass House by Hamid Rahmanian and Melissa Hibbard takes you deep into the lives of these four girls as they courageously tell their stories while they struggle for their uncertain futures. The Glass House is the untold story of young women who have been cast aside by their society. They have been abandoned, abused and neglected by their country and their families. With no resources, they have no hope of ever improving their lives, until they come to Omid E Mehr. (Source)

Any idea where I can watch it online? Its not on youtube either :p

Babydom

April 26, 2009 at 1:36 pm | In Children, Drama, Family, Learning, Life | 9 Comments

Having been around women who have newborns (that are not so new now, but roughly a few months to 1 year old) I have made a few observations. Some of them are follows.

New mothers have alot of criticism dressed up as well-meaning information/advice thrown at them (insidiously undermining at the best of times). Usually from older women, grandparents, in-laws and other intefering busybodies (usually in the female form). They advise you to wind/burp the baby after its feed by bouncing them up in the air. The spewing milk-vomit that’ll spray out will end up on you and are they going to clean it up? I didn’t think so.  Lie the baby on its stomach – it likes that, especially after a feed. And what if it falls asleep and smothers itself in that position? (is that possible? Thinking worse case scenario here).

They advise you to start feeding the baby cultural food, like mashed up indian lentils or buttered chappati’s broken up into small pieces when they’ve barely begun to associate food with swallowing. There is no order with regards to feeding time for the child nor does the child associate the table in the kitchen with dinner time because he/she is bounced from lap to lap and fed all kinds in between the main meals. Who feeds the child slices of cheese when they should be having dinner? Or fizzy drinks like Coke instead of water/fruit juice/milk?

Grandparents especially paternal one’s which depending on where you moved to after marriage will be the one’s who’ll have most contact with the baby for most of its years (until they or you move away elsewhere). For those who live with their inlaws, complaints of taking the baby away for the whole day and playing with it, whilst they lie in bed recovering from the C-section stitches.  Perhaps see how the mother of the child is doing since she probably needs attention and aid. It’s little wonder why some new mothers disappear off to their maternal home for a month or 2 after the birth of a baby. They wouldn’t get the same level of care anywhere else. I would like to think otherwise, but really I believe this to be true. Regardless of how well-meaning they may be.

Most of them worry when their baby doesn’t take to their breast for the ceremonious, often sore, painful (at first so i’ve been told) and laborious task of breastfeeding (bf). Some of them consider it slightly problematic should they be out and about – how to bf the baby in public? A woman using her breasts in this manner (for their very purpose and not just a plaything or something to ogle at) is repulsing and considered uncivil and inappropriate. After all she’s flashing her private bits in public. How terrible. Do people really believe women who bf have their bits out like the Playboy bunnies whilst doing so??

Infact why bf (if you can) when they can give formula milk. The baby will be nice and chubby. Everybody likes chubby babies – chubbiness is testimony of the love the mother has for the child (by feeding it of course -how else do you show people you love your baby?). Nevermind that the child wheezes when he/she barely runs a few steps, and breathes like an old man with a collapsible lung. Bottle feed they are told, its better. Ah but we all know breast is best, which however doesn’t always result into a fat, and therefore healthy, baby.

And as mothers are usually responsible for the health of their baby, keeping a close eye on their eating habits come’s into swift play. This is usually compounded by others who wish to feed the baby without even considering to ask the mother if it is ok for them to do so. There is some unexpressed shared “ownership” (for lack of a better descript) of the child, especially if you live with extended family or family pops around.  Sweet sugary snacks, fizzy drinks, cakes, crisps, chocolate are the favourite culprits. Is asking the mother if they can feed the baby xyz considered too “Western” a concept, mother is a control freak or perhaps demonstrates lack of trust?

This is just the beginning, wait until the child starts school or when the mother decides to go back to work!

Welcome to the world of babydom.

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