Men « Inner Reflections Transcribed

About Women

November 11, 2009 at 3:24 pm | In Gender Issues, Learning, Life, Men, Women | 3 Comments

I loved this comment posted at Sophister’s blog when he asked women what we know about ourselves! A snippet of it is below:

Women want to be understood. So a woman will attempt to comminucate with you and will start by saying what it is that she wants you to understand. If that doesnt work, she will atempt to demonstrate it to you. If that doesnt work, she will call your attention back to it, and demonstrate at the same time. When that doesnt work, she will wait for a better opportunity to demonstrate it to you, and demonstrate it to you then. When that doesnt work, she will become very irritated with you, and everything you say or do will annoy her. During this time, she is likely to lose a lot of respect for you, and that loss of respect will taint your every move and action until everything is a sign of your inability or ignoring of her wish to be understood. On the other hand, if you do manage to listen to her and understand her – she will increase in her love, respect and desire to please you.

Women also need to feel safe. That doesnt mean only safe from you, but safe from everything in this world that is a threat to her body, her mind or her sense of peace. If you support, or show support in anything that causes her to cry, to stress, to worry or to be unsafe in any of these things – she will see you as being against her instead of for her. She will therefore treat you like you are against her, and if you dont do anything to change this opinion, se will continue and increase in this feeling until it is sorted. But if you cant listen to her – it will not get sorted and she will continue on like this. If, on the other hand, you support her need for peace, support her need to feel loved, support her rights (most importantly the right to be heard), then she will increase in her love for you and protect you, fight for you and stand by you until the day she dies – even if you are wrong.

To read it in its entirety

The Glass House: Iranian Doc

October 7, 2009 at 7:30 pm | In Drama, Learning, Life, Media, Men, Society, Television, Women | 3 Comments

Did anyone catch The Glass House on More4 yesterday? I missed it and was hoping to catch it on 4OD but it’s not available to watch

This is what Glass House is about:

No one runs away from happiness” says sixteen year old Mitra. She sits alone on a park bench, struggling with her deep abandonment issues and contemplating running away. Her lonely days consist of cooking and cleaning for her father and brother who both abuse and neglect her. Sussan is 20 years old and she has endured so much physical abuse and head trauma that at times she stutters when she speaks. Years of rampant sexual abuse by her own brothers has culminated into a dangerous drug addiction. At an age where most girls are only concerned with make up and clothes, Samira, 14, has been to rehab for the second time. The local police found her unconscious on the street. Nazila, 19, is a juvenile delinquent turned rapper. Although it is illegal for women in Iran to record songs, she says that rap is “how I express myself”. Her deep and meaningful lyrics tell the painful story of an angry woman who resents the society that has discarded her and made her who she is.

The Glass House by Hamid Rahmanian and Melissa Hibbard takes you deep into the lives of these four girls as they courageously tell their stories while they struggle for their uncertain futures. The Glass House is the untold story of young women who have been cast aside by their society. They have been abandoned, abused and neglected by their country and their families. With no resources, they have no hope of ever improving their lives, until they come to Omid E Mehr. (Source)

Any idea where I can watch it online? Its not on youtube either :p

Kahani Tawaif Ki Zubani: Tale of a Courtesan (Heera Mandi)

August 14, 2009 at 11:25 pm | In Culture, Gender Issues, History, Learning, Life, Men, Muslims, Patriarchy, Society, Women | 2 Comments

Following from my previous post on the book DAncing Girls of Lahore is this documentary into the lives of prostitutes of Heera Mandi. The documentary goes through the various reasons behind this trade, their own stories, the lives of generations of tawaif’s who are born into the profession, the prized virgnity of young courtesans, the secrets and revelations made by sex workers themselves, their pimps (some whom are the male members of the family) and even the musicians which provide the medium for mujra entertainment.

This is part 1 of 6. The rest is available on youtube

Dancing Girls of Lahore by Louise Brown

August 12, 2009 at 10:09 pm | In Culture, Discursive, Gender Issues, Learning, Life, Literature, Men, Muslims, Patriarchy, Research, Society, Women | 4 Comments

Dancing Girls of Lahore by Louise Brown

This semi academic book documents the lives of women of Lahore’s notorious Heera Mandi - a colony infamous for its brothels and adult entertainment, spanning across centuries.

Louise spends around 5 years in Heera Mandi – spanning the various seasons of the year and followed one family over this period of time. Maha, a daughter of a prostitute and being in the business herself and her children, 4 girls and a boy portray a tiny glimmer of life in the brothel colony where relationships and love are framed in the context of sex and money and ultimately the powerful control these facets exert on the lives of the women.

I found the encompassing manner of including the many faces, personalities and dynamics which exist in Heera Mandi to be meticulously detailed. Glimpsing into the lives of the staggering and often stoned heroin addicts, the pimps openly conducting business transactions, in the streets, kusray, their communities, circumstances and the bittersweet relationships they have with one another, themselves and larger society to various Heera Mandi prostitutes – the old tawaifs from the era of the British Raj and nawab sahibs, to those girls fleeing destitution and poverty in villages, towns and cities in the hope of re-hashing a life rather than a mere existence provided Heera Mandi – the “Diamond Market”- a portrayal which reflected the many layers in which a society as fragmented as this was in many ways also cohesive. It’s people and the social norms and rules which regulate their existence being at odds with the larger convservative society, respect, honour and family being the cornerstone of a decent life, in loggerheads with an identity heavily loaded with stigma and a forever permeating presence of Heera Mandi in the lives of those tainted by it – regardless of how far they flee, and how long the exile lasts. Once a prostitute, always a prostitute – especially if you’re from Heera Mandi

The striking contrast played against the backdrop of a conservative Pakistani society – which almost ironically mirrors the location of Heera Mandi within Lahore nestled between the infamous Badshai Masjid, Roshnai Gate and Hazur Baagh is discreetly described through the relative secrecy in which the workers at Heera Mandi operate.

From wealthly clients such as Sheikhs from the Gulf, to politicians, members of the cabinet and entrepeneurs it takes little to realise the very sustenance of the women in Heera Mandi is dependent on the rich and affluent who can afford to purchase sex from quality women with the power dynamics often being skewed in favour of them.

However, there is much bartering and emphasise on the quality of goods – such as the age of the girl (the younger the better), her beauty (skin colour, features, attractive assets), her reputation (good dancer and sex worker) with the sale of a virgin girl being much prized, the relative desperation in terms of poverty of the family and the extent to which thise could be exploitated -these all form a part in the agreed fee for their services, be it sexual or entertainment (mujra ) in the form of dance. Many clients may come and go, but the girls live in the hope of snaring a wealthy client who’s interest remains sustained enough to lead the girl and her family a comfortable life.

At what cost to their own chances of leading a life away from the brothels, to have a relationship based on love and affection as opposed to sex and financial gain is an underlying theme throughout the part academic/part biographical accounts of the women of Heera Mandi.

I’d recommend this great read. Another more detailed review can be found here.

Banning the “Burka”

June 25, 2009 at 3:08 pm | In Culture, Discursive, Islam, Media, Men, Muslims, Non-Muslim, Patriarchy, Society, Women | 17 Comments

Recently French president Sarkozy, upon returning from Afghanistan stated that the burka was not welcome in France and argued for it to be banned despite it being a rare practise in the province.

There have been calls in favour of this , largely due the argument of it being synoymous with oppression and subjation of women, whereas others argue state intervention in how people dress to be a dangerous ground to tread, and its subjectivity.

Surely state interference in what is acceptable to wear in public (as France may very well be on the path towards) makes it similar to other countries who enforce various dress codes for its citizens (e.g. Saudi, & Iran – and Afghanistan during Taliban rule). These countries are often attacked for being limiting, intimidating and impinging on rights of its citizens as a result of their laws and regulations, some being puritanically enforced moreso than others.

Much of this discussion has spread into Britain which has its own chequered history regarding the niqaab, as was the infamous comment made by Jack Straw who found interacting with niqaabed women as “uncomfortable”. Others argue the aggressive alienation that niqaab perpetuates, it indicates “I wish not to talk to you” or “I wish to be different”. Perhaps the Emo’s, Punks and Goths (and the numerous other groups who pride on being “different”) are trying to be inclusive by their demeanour? Another commentator in a tabloid newspaper stated the niqaab prevents communication and explicitly states “I don’t wish to talk to you”. I don’t recall there being a single occurrence where I have witnessed a hubbub of conversation on the Tube amongst complete strangers. None of them are “impaired” by having a niqaab on. All but a rare few have their face on full show for communicative purposes, so where is this chitter chatter?!

Despite calls by some segments of the population to follow Sarkozy’s call for banning burka (niqaab), such an enforcement would not be possible in the UK which prides itself on being a multi-cultural country, and promotes cultural diveristy, where freedom of faith and religious practise is key. Much argue this multiculturalism is the cause of the lack of integration and assimilation of slivers of the minority ethnic, and was the often touted cause for the 7/7 tube bombings and concern over growing and silently breeding extremism/islamism amongst its Muslim minority. And of course the result of this and many other situations involving individuals from BME communities, has led to the increasing popularity of the right wing political group, the BNP.

Instead discussions involving niqaab and its undesirability in the UK have focused on issues of identity and security and have remained within those parameters. Very occasionally has the discussion spilled over the veil being a male symbol of repression of the woman quite as fiercly as Sarkozy has propositioned.

One would argue in a free society (which Britain supposedly is – despite the much Big Brother style surveillance) the state cannot dictate what is or isn’t acceptable to wear in public. So you can dress in niqab, hijab, a turban, a Somali style khimaar, Orthodox Jewish attire, long robes, small shorts and a tank top, vest tops and hot pants or in your underwear etc. Only thing illegal is nudity in public spaces, unless it is has a permit to allow nudity.

The argument of whether the niqab is a religous order or a cultural phenomenon is irrelevant as the primary focus in this discussion sparked by Sarkozy is the item of clothing itself and its symbolic association with repressive practises. Despite interpretations and associations of the symbolic nature of the niqaab (confused with the burka here) there will remain a proportion of women who will wear it with convinction of it being a personal choice, regardless of the arguments of its requirement or otherwise on religious grounds.